Certified Crank Phonograph Expert..... Seriously????

[Raphael]

This post was opened about two days ago, and a lot of yuk-yuks have been shared vis-a-vis the “certified” moniker. I have been similarly skeptical, say, when a restaurant menu says “award winning lasagna”, and have asked the manager to elucidate on the venue, date, etc. of such awards, which are usually nonsense.

What confounds me then, is why nobody simply called Midge and asked her to clarify her bona-fides and what her “certifications” are. I did, and will report back in due course. Am currently at the Stanton Auction and wrapped up in this project.

Raphael

[coyote]

It appears Midge was mentioned here a few years ago.

http://forum.talkingmachine.info/viewto ... 14&t=20196

She also has a Twitter account showing a few phonographs from 2015-2016.

[JohnM]

I’m pretty sure that Midge was the person who was spray painting Diamond Disc reproducers gold.

[OrthoSean]

Yes, she was. She was also using replacement "diamonds" harvested from 1970s replacement tetrad needles, as I recall. I'm sure they destroyed some great Diamond Discs.

Sean

[Jwb88]

Barbie wouldn't be caught dead with a spray painted gold reproducer...

We're all having far too much fun though. Fair trial, America, mumble mumble. There may very well be a prestigious phonograph repair certification program out there somewhere--that the whole TMF has never heard of.

[gramophone-georg]

I've been told I'm certifiable, so maybe I should just get certified.

[CDBPDX]

I was looking though the various Forums today and stumbled across this. So what is required to become a Certified Crank Phonograph Expert????? Is there training for this?????

Yes, but it's mostly self-taught. In order to qualify as a CCPE, you must meet all the following criteria:

1) You must have once - and only once - attempted to remove springs from a phonograph before they were fully wound down. Bonus points if you have a facial scar to prove it.

2) You must have an opinion on what an "off brand" is, and it must be different than every other opinion on the subject.

3) You must have lost count of the number of small screws, ball bearings, etc. you have lost.

4) You must have broken at least one completely irreplaceable record, preferably through no fault of your own (e.g. putting a wax Amberol on a mandrel)

I'm sure there are more. Keep it going!

1) I once removed a pair of spring barrels from an early Victor motor. I made sure they were completely unwound before removing, but they seemed to be frozen, the 2 spring barrels still connected by the arbor. I was examining them and all the sudden, the drive gear and spring barrels began spinning furiously in my hands. Apparently, the springs were so gunked up that they couldn't unwind all the way until I started tinkering with them after removal from the motor. I immediately dropped the spring barrels with the only damage to me being a slight scrape on my thumb. That only happened once. Does that count?

2) Off brands are anything I haven't seen before.

3) Check..

4) Check..

Am I certifiable?

Cliff

[Phono-Phan]

I was looking though the various Forums today and stumbled across this. So what is required to become a Certified Crank Phonograph Expert????? Is there training for this?????

Yes, but it's mostly self-taught. In order to qualify as a CCPE, you must meet all the following criteria:

1) You must have once - and only once - attempted to remove springs from a phonograph before they were fully wound down. Bonus points if you have a facial scar to prove it.

2) You must have an opinion on what an "off brand" is, and it must be different than every other opinion on the subject.

3) You must have lost count of the number of small screws, ball bearings, etc. you have lost.

4) You must have broken at least one completely irreplaceable record, preferably through no fault of your own (e.g. putting a wax Amberol on a mandrel)

I'm sure there are more. Keep it going!

5) Graphite grease stains on walls and new carpet.

[EdisonWizard]

I was looking though the various Forums today and stumbled across this. So what is required to become a Certified Crank Phonograph Expert????? Is there training for this?????

Yes, but it's mostly self-taught. In order to qualify as a CCPE, you must meet all the following criteria:

1) You must have once - and only once - attempted to remove springs from a phonograph before they were fully wound down. Bonus points if you have a facial scar to prove it.

2) You must have an opinion on what an "off brand" is, and it must be different than every other opinion on the subject.

3) You must have lost count of the number of small screws, ball bearings, etc. you have lost.

4) You must have broken at least one completely irreplaceable record, preferably through no fault of your own (e.g. putting a wax Amberol on a mandrel)

I'm sure there are more. Keep it going!

5.) Your garage has to have a permanent grease smell (bonus points if your living room does also)

6.) Have at least one record in every room in your house (even if you do not have a machine in said room.

7.) Have so many machines you "sneak" buy one and your spouse doesn't even notice a new machine.

Hahahahaha I do #7 with guns. As I pull them out of the safe..”where’d that one come from?” “Oh I’ve been having that a while...”

[Lucius1958]

Yes, but it's mostly self-taught. In order to qualify as a CCPE, you must meet all the following criteria:

1) You must have once - and only once - attempted to remove springs from a phonograph before they were fully wound down. Bonus points if you have a facial scar to prove it.

2) You must have an opinion on what an "off brand" is, and it must be different than every other opinion on the subject.

3) You must have lost count of the number of small screws, ball bearings, etc. you have lost.

4) You must have broken at least one completely irreplaceable record, preferably through no fault of your own (e.g. putting a wax Amberol on a mandrel)

I'm sure there are more. Keep it going!

Alas, I only qualify partially.

1. Never removed a wound spring; but I did disengage a governor on a wound machine once or twice: the first was out of ignorance; the second was while trying to adjust a spindle gear.

3. I've lost a few screws, a couple of shaver blades, and a pin for a brake; but I never really bothered to count them.

4. Yes: although not so much "broken" in some cases, but merely ruined by careless storage conditions (i.e., mold).

Bill