Demonstrating My Phongraphs for Guests

[NEFaurora]

When people come to my house, They can't miss my Phonographs since I have all of them openly displayed... and someone will always ask to hear one of them... I love playing them for people and educating them on their rich history.

If I have guests that I want to leave my house, I will just play a cylinder from Will Oakland..

Tony K.

Edison Collector/Restorer

[52089]

The first time my family came to my house and saw a dozen or so machines in my living room, I told them, "If you're nice to me I won't play all of these for you!"

[MikeB]

My interactions with guests usually go something like this:


Guest: “Well, there’s a lot of… stuff… in here.”

Me: “I’ve been an antique dealer all my life. Occupational hazard. (That’s me justifying being a hoarder – it’s a profession, so it’s okay).

Guest: “This stuff looks pretty old. What’s it worth?”

Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t really do it for the money. I love history.” (I’m thinking, what’s it to you? You gonna knock the place over, you tasteless cretin?)

Guest: “Is anything new in here?”

Me: “The refrigerator is about 10 years old. I have a microwave oven. Have to eat. I have one T.V., but it’s a Predicta, and it doesn’t work.”

Guest: “A Pred-what?”

Me: “Predicta. It’s an old type of TV.”

Guest: “And it doesn’t work? Then how do you watch TV?”

Me: “I don’t.”

Guest: “No TV? Are you religious or something?”

Me. “Let’s move along. Do you like music?”

Guest: “I like some rap. Techno is cool. Britney... Why are you holding your stomach like that?”

Me: “My tastes might seem a bit odd to you. I play music on these talking machines… I mean phonographs… I mean record players.”

Guest: “Oh, record players. I sometimes dress up in black and go to this vinyl record store with my friends. It’s the newest thing.”

Me: “Vinyl has been around for a while. But this stuff ain’t vinyl. These, for example…”

Guest: “I see that you collect toilet paper rolls. Wow, you have a lot of them. I sometimes made art projects out of them in the third grade.”

Me: “These are cylinder records. Many of them are made out of wax. Here, I’ll play one.” (I load up the Edison).

Guest: “That’s music? I can’t understand anything. Sounds like some drunk guy drowning. I think that your thing is broken.”

Me: “Oh, crap. I guess that Uncle Josh wasn’t the best choice. What about a minstrel song?"

Guest: "A menstrual song?"

Me: "No, a minstrel song. Here, I'll play one...”

Guest: "What's a darkie?"

Me: "Let's not go there."

Guest: “Well, I gotta go now. My uncle/wife/husband/friend/parole officer is waiting for me.”

Me: “But wait, I can play you a better one.”

Guest: (Starts backing up, never takes eyes off of me).

Me: “Please don’t step on the cat.”

Guest: Opens door. Vanishes.

Me: “Maybe we can do this again some time.”

(The sound of squealing tires).

[Lucius1958]

Rats: after a prolonged Google search, I was unable to find a Rube Goldberg cartoon I love:

"Breaking Even: How to Get Square With the Man Who Always Starts His Talking Machine As Soon As You Enter the House"

Bill

[Roaring20s]

Here it is...

James.

[barnettrp21122]

James and MikeB-your postings are hilarious!
Bob

[fran604g]

My interactions with guests usually go something like this:


Guest: “Well, there’s a lot of… stuff… in here.”

Me: “I’ve been an antique dealer all my life. Occupational hazard. (That’s me justifying being a hoarder – it’s a profession, so it’s okay).

Guest: “This stuff looks pretty old. What’s it worth?”

Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t really do it for the money. I love history.” (I’m thinking, what’s it to you? You gonna knock the place over, you tasteless cretin?)

Guest: “Is anything new in here?”

Me: “The refrigerator is about 10 years old. I have a microwave oven. Have to eat. I have one T.V., but it’s a Predicta, and it doesn’t work.”

Guest: “A Pred-what?”

Me: “Predicta. It’s an old type of TV.”

Guest: “And it doesn’t work? Then how do you watch TV?”

Me: “I don’t.”

Guest: “No TV? Are you religious or something?”

Me. “Let’s move along. Do you like music?”

Guest: “I like some rap. Techno is cool. Britney... Why are you holding your stomach like that?”

Me: “My tastes might seem a bit odd to you. I play music on these talking machines… I mean phonographs… I mean record players.”

Guest: “Oh, record players. I sometimes dress up in black and go to this vinyl record store with my friends. It’s the newest thing.”

Me: “Vinyl has been around for a while. But this stuff ain’t vinyl. These, for example…”

Guest: “I see that you collect toilet paper rolls. Wow, you have a lot of them. I sometimes made art projects out of them in the third grade.”

Me: “These are cylinder records. Many of them are made out of wax. Here, I’ll play one.” (I load up the Edison).

Guest: “That’s music? I can’t understand anything. Sounds like some drunk guy drowning. I think that your thing is broken.”

Me: “Oh, crap. I guess that Uncle Josh wasn’t the best choice. What about a minstrel song?”

Guest: “Well, I gotta go now. My uncle/wife/husband/friend/parole officer is waiting for me.”

Me: “But wait, I can play you a better one.”

Guest: (Starts backing up, never takes eyes off of me).

Me: “Please don’t step on the cat.”

Guest: Opens door. Vanishes.

Me: “Maybe we can do this again some time.”

(The sound of squealing tires).

Funniest dialogue ever! I guess I've been lucky, the few guests I've had here, and shown the collection to on purpose, have been genuinely, politely interested. But (other than my 3 close pals in the hobby), they've never come back, either.

Fran

[Jerry B.]

(The sound of squealing tires).

Too funny! Jerry B.

[Lucius1958]

Here it is...

Breaking Even - Goldberg.png

James.

Thanks!

Bill

[Zkeener323]

Generally I am met with similar reactions. Most people only comment on how many machines or records I have. Other times they are surprised at the size of the larger models. Very rarely does anyone ask to actually hear one playing and if they do, I've learned from experience it will only be about twenty seconds before interest is lost. Sometimes I just play one because I feel like it when company is over- hoping someone will notice the astounding quality of the VV 8-9... they never do. Inevitably, someone will ask if I can "turn that down a little." Twice have I had truly positive experiences from people who wanted to hear the machines. Back in my vagabond days I use to carry around an HMV 102 in my car when the weather was mild. I ended up bringing it into the office one day because the weather was warmer than I expected. I ended up giving a pretty good demonstration got to talk about it more than I ever would have thought. The other time was when I was on a first date and didn't want to leave it in the car. I was floored when I was asked to play my favorite record I had in the stack (I picked Rosita Serrano's "Te Quiero", appropriate right ) After actually listening to the whole song along with my enthusiastic history of recorded sound speech, I knew I found someone special. We married a year and a half later. The only other interesting moments I've had demonstrating my machines was again, when I had take in a portable to work to avoid heat in a car. I brought my VV 2-55 in the lab I was working in during high school and stashed it under my work bench. While away in another building my co-workers discovered it and thought they had found a forgotten treasure of a German doctor who retired years back (They jumped to this conclusion because I had a bunch of Zarah Leander discs in there). Lastly, for my senior project in high school I restored my vv 4-40 and gave a presentation on the history of recorded sound as well as the restoration process. Some of my classmates were impressed, mainly by the fact it used no electricity. That's probably the only time I actually forced a demonstration on anyone.