THE "LUMENAQUAPHONE" SPECIALISTS ATOMIC GRAMOPHONE

[old country chemist]

I re-discovered this one. It was conceived about a couple of years ago,
Sorry to start a new entry, but there was nothing already on he forum to compare it with.

[Inigo]

Alastair, you must have known I am very sensitive to these technologies, being professionally involved in the projects of ITER, MINERVA and the new DONES accelerator in Granada... all them fusion energy related projects...
So this application of yours makes me feel as if I were at work during my spare time, mixing atomic teutonic energies with 78s, in this case, 275s.
Too heavy for my feeble heart... I almost died!

And the repertory? The oldest recording I've found in 275s is The green bottle, a musical hit during the Star Wars era....!

[CarlosV]

Looks pretty straighforward as a design. The meower is indeed the novel addition to an otherwise run-of-the-atomic-mill sound machine. We are awaiting for the 300-page booklet, as the secret of the perfect operation of this simple machine lies in its fine tuning.

[chunnybh]

Yes, please. I'll have the 300 pages booklet.

[Lucius1958]

Special Addendum:

DO NOT TAUNT LUMENAQUAPHONE.

- Bill

[Inigo]

Alastair is insuperable...!

[old country chemist]

Carlos, Inigo and chunny-here is a picture of my "Lumenaquaphone" handbook. 300 "scalding hot" pages. A great bedtime read.
I have just been looking through it,and here are the contents pages listed.
Page 1 is devoted to the manufacturer alleviating themselves from any responsibility of the wrongful use of the machine.
pages 2 to 49.Describes the "science" of light on water under peculiar scientific circumstances.
pages 50-99 Describes the apparatus.
pages 100 to 199. shows how, by diagrammatical means, how the apparatus is properly assembled.
pages 200 to 250 describes the ordering procedures for ordering the "uranium 235" with the licence required, and the insurance needed for the transportation of it in glass flasks by British Rail.
Pages 251-300 tabulates the "fallout procedures for the evacuation of.
1.a house
2.a village.
3,a town
4.a city.
5. a whole country.

My edition I see was printed on April 1st 1999.

[Orchorsol]

Utterly brilliant and hilarious. My favourite so far - and all your others are superb too Alastair! Many thanks for posting it.

[CarlosV]

Aw, shoot! it is out of print! Now I have to look for an used copy, maybe the military surplus store carries some in the ¨atomic¨ department.

[Curt A]

Great idea, a nuclear powered gramophone... the extra power produced can power your whole village, not to mention that it will glow in the dark...