'Worst Phonograph Description On Craigslist' contest

[JohnM]

Let's have a little contest for the Worst Phonograph Description On Craigslist'. Here's my first nominee:

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/atq/1687660736.html

"This is an antique phonograph with hand crank that works. It does play the vintage albums records so when you wind the crank a few times the turntable spins and music plays.....(Got that 'twang' to it)...... The lid has some warpage in the wood but the body is nice except for a few scratches that can be re-stained. The decorative parts of the wood are very pretty. Nice restoration project.

We are located in Peoria but we can deliver to Chicago and St. Louis areas for $100.00. Or come pick it up and hopefully find a few other things in our store that you like. I am also advertising an antique smoker that I can deliver with this at the same price.

Make us an offer:

Stephanie's Discount Depot
2108 N. Prospect Rd.
Peoria, IL 61603"

[JohnM]

Another:

http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwi/atq/1685893949.html

"Constructed of medium wood grain, varilable speed and sound control. Phonograph in good working condition. Overall dimensions: 41" X 18" X 20". Contact 219-508-4600"

What is "medium wood grain"? "Varilable"? Is that how one pronounces 'variable' with a mouth full of marbles?

[JohnM]

The hits just keep on comin'!

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/wan/1684753413.html

"I want a handcranking suitcase phonograph/victrola/gramophone - $25 (Preferably City)

I used to have a handcranking suitcase victrola when I was a young child. I've tried looking for it everywhere, but can't find it. It was probably left behind at one point when we moved.

I miss playing music on it, so I'm looking to buy one or take one off your hands for you. It doesn't have to look pretty or be brand name, it just has to work fine. I'm negotiable with prices, but free is always good too! I just have to see it in person first before handing over the cash. If you know of any good stores that sell antique gramophones or victrolas in the city, that helps too.

I won't be re-selling it or anything, I just want to listen to old music.

Thank you."

Try Union.

[JohnM]

This is fun! I'm still just in Chicago!

http://chicago.craigslist.org/nch/clt/1682862566.html

"Vintage collection of 78 speed records - $2 (Niles)

I have a fantastic collection of original 78 records representing hits from the 1940s era. I'm showing just a sample of what I have. I don't know if they are playable since I don't have a phonograph that supports 78 speed. I've seen people frame vintage recordings like these as art -- check out the RCA Victor dog with the phonograph. They are $2 each -- I'll sell the lot of 38 records for $25 including a set of very vintage record folios.
Al Trace
Bill Haley
Don Cherry
Don Cornell
Doris Day
Dream Weavers
Eddie Fisher
Eydie Gorme
Four Lads
Frank Sinatra
Frankie Lymon
Georgia Gibbs
Gogie Grant
Herbie Fields
Jayhawks
John Leslie
Ken Griffin
Li'l Wally
Lou Stein
McGuire Sisters
Mitch Miller
Nelson Riddle
Pat Boone
Patience & Prudence
Paul Gatton
Perry Como
Peter Pan
Phil Reed
Rusty Draper
Somethin' Smith
Unbreakable - Jimmy Boyd"

[JohnM]

This is for a VV-230. They sure as heck didn't look it up in 'Look For The Dog' or http://www.victor-victrola.com! I wonder what they're smokin' in northern Indiana?

http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwi/atq/1681172048.html

"1879 Victrola VV230 (laporte, indiana)

1879 Victrola Works great.
We looked up a price and found it was worth around 3,000+

You can make an Offer.

Please contact us at
[email protected]"

[JohnM]

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/wat/atq/1670909258.html

"***Antique Victor Victrola*** - $650 (Carrollton, Ga.)

victor victrola VV-XIV floor model. Operates good. Includes extra needles. Needs to be refinished, it has been painted in the past. Price includes over 30 old records. Artists include Mannfred Mann, Johnny Horton, Herb Alpert, Dean Martin, Ray Conniff, Nat King Cole, and many more. Asking $650. or best offer.

Serious offers only. Local pickup only...

Do not contact me for other offers. No SPAM!!!!!"

[JohnM]

I much prefer sitting Victrolas, myself. "harward"?

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/atq/1665606914.html

"Antique Standing Victrola - $650 (Cumming)

Antique floor standing Victrola; It works! Want to hear "My Wild Irish Rose!"? Mahogany, wind up handle, small twin doors at top control vulume, two more larger doors for storage for albums (I have several I am willing to add to the sale). Lovely heirloom circa 1900 - 1929. In pretty good condition, some scratches from my cat who loved to sit up there! All harward intact. one tiny door pull missing.
Sad to see it go, but must make room for daughter moving back home with granddaughter!"

[JohnM]

"Pigma"?

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/atq/1664505982.html


"Antique Victrola - $90 (Lawrenceville/Suwanee)


Antique Victrola

- Good Condition - Restored, stained, and finished

- Player has been removed - replaced with an internal light and shelf

- Great decorative piece, was used to store liquor or glasses

- Bottom shelf needs to be reattached

Metal Plate bearing the inscription:

Meteor - "The Star of the talking machine world"

Pigma, Ohio, U.S.A. - 26081

Payed $200 for at antique show"

[JohnM]

Honesty is the best policy!

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/atq/1660775740.html

"Victrola Talking Machine $200 or Best offer - $200 (Kennesaw)

Very cool Victrola Talking Machine don't think it works...honestly i haven't tried! need to get it out!!!! Missing a couple of the original knobs. email if interested and the price is negotiable!! please remember i do not know anything about it so it will not do any good asking technical questions "

[JohnM]

SHOUT LOUDER!!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/nat/atq/1660699885.html

"Pathé VICTROLA - $300 (DAHLONEGA,GA.)

A BEAUTIFUL PIECE TO ANY VINTAGE GROUP !!!!"