'Worst Phonograph Description On Craigslist' contest

[JohnM]

Sell the sizzle, not the steak:

http://miami.craigslist.org/pbc/atq/1678994934.html

"Beautiful Victor Victrola Talking Machine 1918 - $750 (Delray Beach )

This is a beautiful 1918 Victor Talking machine, the floor model which works and plays the records that are included. There are 46 records with each record valued from 10 to 50 dollars each. Some rare. The cabinet is in excellent condition, the speakers are great and when the upper doors are open you can listen very clearly and loud. Obviously there is no electricity needed, as these wonderful machines are wound up with the crank along it's side, and the records are ready to play. An antique like this in this wonderful condition as seen on ebay or Victrola sites are worth $1200.00 to $2000.00. You can get a few with cracks , bad finish or mechanical problems for a few hundred dollars, but a beautiful anique with a great wood finish and plays great. Tis machine is nearly 93 years old and is wonderful. Drawers close smoothly and evenly to both the upper speaker compartment and the lower record compartment. The value will continue to go up hitting 100 years old soon. This includes Victor records of $500 or more. This is a great deal for someone whom appreciates quality turn of the century antiques. Email me for more pictures and even a recording of it playing music. Call Michael 561-376-8236"

[JohnM]

Literally -- you MUST see -- that's why there is no photo with the listing!

http://miami.craigslist.org/mdc/clt/1678694516.html

"Victrola - $900 (Fort Myers)

Records included. Nice Shape. Must see. 239-470-7374"

[JohnM]

Must be charging by the word.

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/atq/1688483396.html

"ANTIQUE VICTROLA VV-90 VICTOR TALKING MACHINE 1921 PHONOGRAPH - $3500 (US60/McCLINTOCK)

HERE IS A VICTROLA VV-90 PHONOGRAPH THAT HAS BEEN IN MY FAMILY FOR 3 GENERATIONS. I CANNOT KEEP MOVING THIS AROUND SO I WANT TO GET IT TO SOMEONE THAT WILL USE AND APPRECIATE IT. IT IS IN TRULY EXCELLENT CONDITION. THERE ARE NO LARGE SCRATCHES, SCRAPES, MARKS, REPAIRS OR BLEMISHES. I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO RESTORE THIS AS MANY OF YOU PREFER THEM THAT WAY. ANYWAY, IT DOESN'T NEED IT. THIS UNIT IS IN ITS ORIGINAL, NATURAL CONDITION AND LOOKS FANTASTIC. HERE IS ALL OF THE INFORMATION I COULD GATHER ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL ANTIQUE PHONOGRAPH:

V-V on the Victrola plate means "Victor Victrola" (or inside horn machine). Phonographs, invented by Thomas Edison in 1877. The VV-90 was introduced in 1921 when Victor updated their product lineup. It was intended as a replacement for the popular VV-XI, but with a slightly smaller cabinet and without casters. All VV-90's had the semi-automatic brake and a two-spring motor, and was available in mahogany, oak or walnut, but the most popular choice was mahogany. Production of the VV-90 was ended in 1922, but due to a large unsold inventory it remained in the Victor catalog until 1925. The original 1921 selling price of the VV-90 was $125.00. An estimated total of 85,000 Victrola 90's were produced.

Manufacture Date Serial Number Range
1921 501-54500
1922 54501-85900

The current collector database shows the earliest existent VV-90 to be S/N 588 and the latest to be S/N 85779.

Model Est. Production % of Production Total Cumulative Percentage Rarity Value
VV-90 85,000 1.1% 79.4% Y Y

Rarity and Value ratings are based on Mahogany or Oak finished machines. VICTROLA PHONOGRAPH, Victor Talking Machine co., Camden, N.J., model VV-90, serial #74548, c. 1921-22 only, having a lift-top oak floor cabinet with built-in speaker, spring wound action with hand crank, a record storage cabinet behind lower double doors. Dimensions: 41"H x 19.75"W x 21.25"D.

THIS COMES WITH 3 DIFFERENT POUCHES OF NEEDLES. THERE IS DUOTONE, FIDELITONE, AND VICTOR. THERE IS ALSO A METAL TIN FOR KEEPING THE NEEDLES. THERE ARE IS A LARGE COLLECTION OF ORIGINAL HEAVY DUTY RECORDS THAT COME WITH THIS AS WELL. AS YOU CAN SEE IN THE PHOTOGRAPHS THERE ARE MANY RECORDS AND ARE INCLUDED IN YOUR PURCHASE. THIS WORKS PERFECTLY. I TURNED IT ON TODAY AND IT PLAYED RIGHT AWAY.

I AM NOT ABLE TO SHIP OR DELIVER THIS ITEM. IT IS THE BUYERS RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR PICKUP. THE DIMENSIONS ARE 41"H x 19.75"W x 21.25"D. SO IT SHOULD FIT IN MOST PICKUPS, OR TRAILERS. I WILL GLADLY ASSIST YOU HOWEVER POSSIBLE WITH REGARD TO YOUR CHOICE OF SHIPPING COMPANIES. HERE ARE SOME LOCAL COMPANIES WHO PROVIDE THESE TYPES OF FREIGHT SERVICES:
CRATERS AND FREIGHTERS- TEL: 480-966-9929;
ANYTHING TO ANYWHERE- TEL: 480-649-0080;
RYAN WORLD CRATING & SHIPPING SVC: TEL: 602-261-7700.

I'LL SELL IT TO THE FIRST $3500.00 CASH. NO CHECKS PLEASE. IT CAN BE SEEN IN TEMPE NEAR McCLINTOCK/US60. CALL DAVE AT 480-634-6567."

[JohnM]

In other listing's, he make's the same mistake's and think's that either his Grafonola, his Victrola, or his Full-O-Tone date's to 1909. I can't tell because he confuse's the photo's and the description's in the listing's. He also doesn't remember what he was taught in third-grade regarding rule's for the use of apostrophe's.

http://sandiego.craigslist.org/nsd/atq/1687963467.html

"VICTOR VICTROLA 100 YEAR'S OLD - $400 (VISTA-760-295-2780)

NO!!!!e-mails as I will not reply, too many scammer's PLEASE don't waste your time and mine.
My Victor Victrola is in great condition but could use some stain which I will give you some
Old Dad's stain. Complete cabinet model"

[phonophan79]

LOL, here's a good one.

"the wood needs 2 be fixed put where it belongs(the record goes under the needle)"

[Nat]

"the wood needs 2 be fixed put where it belongs(the record goes under the needle)"

I think that one wins, especially with the picture. Maybe he could add, "I'm not an expert, but nice fixer-upper for the collector - needs some work. Been in the family since the Civil War..."

Nat

[JohnM]

Now that's what I'M talking about!!! LOL! Definite 'Hall of Shame' candidate!

[SonnyPhono]

"the wood needs 2 be fixed put where it belongs(the record goes under the needle)...but looks like it's in mint condition considering how old it is."

[Nat]

He could possibly also get an award for some of the worst photography possible.

[OrthoFan]

I nominate this one for the Worst Victrola Ad, period!


http://sfbay.craigslist.org/pen/clo/1698109571.html

...Or at least the first runner up in the WTH category....