'Worst Phonograph Description On Craigslist' contest

[Nat]

Well, it could be turn of the century; I believe they were cobbling these together as long ago as 2000...

All he needs to do is re-word his ad, something like, "Large collection of various phonograph parts, all within reach of eachother; some parts are included, some other ones aren't; may work more-or-less" - except semi-colons are probably beyond his reach...

So - did you bid?

[antique1973]

Here is my entry. This ad seems like it was written by a robot.
And $900 for this model?? We all have dreams in life, I guess!



http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/atq/1718961345.html

Victor Victrola-very nice-works - $900 (El Cajon)
Date: 2010-04-30, 10:52PM PDT
Reply to: [email protected] [Errors when replying to ads?]

This is a Victor Victrola Talking Machine. This is a beautiful piece of furniture. It has always been kept inside. It is 3 feet 6” tall, 21” wide, and 22” deep. It works. You wind it on the side and release the arm with the needle. It comes with a supply of needles. The two top doors open and close, this is how you control the volume. The bottom has two doors and 8 shelves for records. Inside a metal plate with the dog and reads: “His Masters Voice, Victor Talking Machine Thearles Music Co.” Thearles was a music store on Broadway in down town San Diego, in the 40 & 50’s. Price firm, cash only. Call 619-6l70-6892. Thanks for looking.

[JohnM]

I like how the robot's logic circuits lock up when processing the fact that althought the machine is obviously from approximately 1920, the data available in the robot's RAM says the music store is 1940's-1950's. "It does not compute! It does not compute! Danger Will Robinson!"

Also, the robot's scanner hardware must not be fully functioning, because although it has scanned the Victrola for dimensions (always important!), it has failed to scan the info on the data plate and the cabinet wood. Perhaps the scanner hardware is OK and it's really a software glitch.

[bbphonoguy]

I also like the use of the ever popular "price firm". "Yea! No one's gonna cheat me on this prize!" Uhhh until I realize that no one's biting at this price.

[antique1973]

Thearle Music Co actually started in 1912 in San Diego. My first 2 machines, a Cheney and
a Brunswick were stamped with "Thearle Music Co". This of course does nothing for the value
of the machine. ROBOT: BEEP...BEEP...RECOMPUTE RECOMPUTE $900 DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!!!!

[JohnM]

Besides the howler typos, the photographs are like masterpieces of German Expressionism:

http://lafayette.craigslist.org/atq/1718273241.html

"ANTIQUE PHONOGRAPH - $250 (BROUSSARD LA)

FOR SALE AND IN NEED OF RESTORATION IS A PONOGRAPH. ON THE CABINET IS AEOLIAN VOCALOIN GRADUOLA. THE CRANK ON THE SIDE DOES OPERATE BUT THE ITEM IS IN NEED OF RESTORATION. ANY ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS, PLEASE CALL HUGH AT 985-966-3831."

[JohnM]

Garble . . . garble . . . garble

http://allentown.craigslist.org/clt/1691865598.html

"Classic Gramophone (Vinyl) Records - $600 (Northampton, PA)

Used as a primary medium for commercial music in the early 20th century, Vinyl records date back to when phonograph cylinders were no longer the popularity. And of course now digital media has presumed to take over, and has placed vinyl records in extinction. Its quite rare to find your most favorable artist in Vinyl Record format, but rest assure I have a hefty variety of artist's to choose from. I have classic hits ranging from talents such as Anita Baker, Teddy Pendergrass, Madonna, The Bee Jees, Kool and The Gang, New Edition, Michael Jackson, Lionel Richie, Barry White and much more. Looking for customers who are highly interested, as well as any DJ artist's who feel the need to maximize their collection and polish their skills to different old school hits. I am charging $25.00 a record, PLEASE ! I will only accept serious offers Thank You.

Any questions or concerns,you may get a hold of me at http://[email protected]"

[JohnM]

http://syracuse.craigslist.org/atq/1713173685.html

"Edison phonograph - $400 (Auburn)

This is a Thomas Edison Home Model B from what I have read
and seen at antique places.
It needs some work.
The handle crank which I have, has an internal portion that is worn , so I
have used a small 5/16" socket,and extension through the box for a crank,
to wind the motor,which does wind up, and it runs for a long time, and the lever
to turn it on and off works well. The threaded steel follower is rusty half the follower.
The three small governor weights had a thin metal strap that deteriorated
over 100 years and fell off when I ran the motor, but I have them for any re3storation.
It needs a belt, to drive the wax or plastic cylindrical records. I think it is a thin belt like found on a clothes dryer, or a round snake shaped belt found on some upright vacuum cleaners to rotate the brushes. I do not have a horn.
What you see is what you get, a rare look and feel for a Thomas Edison item. The label on the box is original and in good shape.
For its age, it looks pretty good, but will need expert attention. The wood is in excellent
shape, and the hinges are in excellent shape.
Pick-up at any store like Wal-Mar tis OK with me, anytime.
Shipping $50 anywhere in the continental U.S., includes insurance.
US Postal Money Order accepted only, purchased at any US post office.
I do not ship to Africa,or Europe, and do not want any courier service people to
arrange delivery.
I will ship the phonograph immediately upon receipt and cashing of a
US Postal Money Order at the US post office.
I can call you, if you send me your phone number, and name, and a time to call you.
[email protected]"

[JohnM]

I would have said: "Shrouded in the mists of time" (see photos). At $1000, it can only go to a wealthy home! I think someone may have murdered this person as they were typing the listing, as well.

http://reading.craigslist.org/atq/1711538887.html

"Victrola Phonograph Console - $1000 (Northeast Reading)

Victrola console phonograph with records. Still works well, has pile of new needles, too. Dark mahogany type finish to cabinet. Just played it this morning, so I know it still works well. I love it, but can no longer move it around with me. I need to find it a good home. I used to love to play it when I was a kid because it was a bit fascinating to me. The kids today have no idea what it even is. You will need to be able to move it and take it along. Cash preferred, but check is acceptible once it clears the bank you can pick up the Victrola. Or you can find me at PayPal as ledilou and pay there. Once payment is cleared, pick up is allowed.

Sorry pictures are slanted. I will try to fix the problem later, but I am not on my own computer and do not have all necessary with me. Please just tilt your head until next time.


[email protected] will reach me. For quicker response try me at: 610-921-0704

Sorry, I have"

[JohnM]

Serious listings only, you pervert!

http://austin.craigslist.org/atq/1705153033.html

"~Edison: Old record player, ponography, victrola, OBO - $500 (Cedar Park)

This 1915 Edison ponography, victrola, record player............nice condition. $500 OBO
I have seen these for sale for $1000 to $1300, but I don't do Ebay and this is something I am selling for someone else.

Serious offers only,
947-5883"